Marriage Under Pressure

I would like to start off by saying that I am not a writer by any means, but when something is brought to my attention I like to address it.This blog will most likely have gramatical errors from start to finish but im speaking from the heart. Now a days there is an underlying pressure or obligation to get married and in certain peoples eyes if you are not married then you are doing something wrong or your family is doomed from the start.

 To be legally married is a simple document or a piece of paper signed by a judge or a person authorized to perform marriages. To say that a relationship will not last or children involved in an unmarried cohabitation will become screwed up is just plain ignorant. The way children are raised or how they will turn out has nothing to do with a piece of paper, it has to do with the parents and how they raise the child and what type of environment they are brought up in. When your child is faced with certain obstacles in life a piece of paper is not going to save them.  I received an email with a link today and the link was somewhat unsettling..To sum it up in a nutshell, the link had to do with parents cohabiting together unmarried and "studies" showed that the children involved are more likely to become depressed,have social problems and a whole list of other negative outcomes.

As a parent of a beautiful and happy 4 year old daughter , living in a cohabitation scenario ,can imagine how i felt. My first thought was this "study" is the biggest piece of crap. Where do I even begin. We are in 2012 where there are so many different types of families. There is the single mother or father living with their children alone, there are parents who are not in a relationship together living together with their children, there are gay couples who have adopted and so many other types of scenarios. A study that says you should be married or your children are more likely to be doomed? FALSE

There are so many different factors when it comes to raising a child. My thoughts are if both parents are onboard and on the same page in raising the child the likelihood of failure is lower. If a good foundation is set from the beginning along with constant love  and consistency being shown no matter what circumstances are given I feel the child will be able to take on the world without any problems as long as that support is there. There are children that are raised by their grandparents or maybe even one grandparent and is a "study" going to tell me now that a child raised by a grandparent/grandparents are more likely to fail at life because they may not be living under a "married" setting? I know of many successful and extremely happy people that have been raised in the worst conditions and have rose above it "issue" free.

In the Christian community there are many close minded people.From what I have learned Jesus Loves ALL, he doesn't pick and choose based on legalities, race, sexual preference or anything else..No one is exempt .Back to the topic of close minded people, me and my daughters father experienced this first hand when Victoria was around 10 months old and we wanted to participate with her in baby dedication. We both go to church and have a huge love for God and both decided we were going to raise Victoria to have that same love and value as well. For those that do not know what a baby dedication is , its a family coming forth with their child to make a promise to the Lord to do everything within their power to raise the child in a godly way, prayerfully until he or she can make a decision on his or her own to follow God. Most churches have you go to a class before you go forward with the dedication. After the class we were told that if we did not get married we couldn't go forward with dedicating Victoria. My thoughts were ,we are coming forward to do something positive in our daughters life but because we aren't legally "married" we cant go through with this? Long story short we spoke with the head pastor and after a long debate we were allowed as an unmarried couple to dedicate our baby..

Why force marriage or make marriage the main concern when nowadays so many children are born out of wedlock and there are so many different cases. The main concern should be the children and is the child in a household full of love and positive influences. Because our children are the future. To put this pressure of marriage when there are marriages with the parents fighting and under constant tension in front of their children or the father beating the mother is just ridiculous. 

I have learned only I know what is best for my daughter and Im sure her father feels the same. No we aren't married and no we aren't together. But yes we both love her more than anyone could imagine. We have created a strong foundation of love that cannot be broken. We have begun to instill values that are important to us including having a love of God. If u are a believer or even a non believer there is the saying "come as you are".  I am proud to say no I am not married but I am raising my daughter on the right path. When it comes to your children dont let anyone tell you what is right or what is wrong and certainly dont feel pressure when it comes to marriage. All we need is Love..